The Shonk has an exclusive report which will make your early morning dump crawl back into the shadowy tunnel from whence it came – Lord Voldemort has returned to power.
“It’s true. I saw him with my own eyes.” Says minister for Magic Cornelius Fudge.
Much to the devastation of a nation news of Lord Voldemort’s return is spreading quickly across the world. Terrified witches and wizards are already fleeing the country and widespread panic is expected in the coming months.
“I feel sorry for the muggles. I mean, they have no idea what’s coming. At least we can run, hide maybe… they just don’t stand a chance.” – Arthur Weasley
Owl-posts from all across the country are bringing reports of mass depression amongst the muggle population. Fears that the dementors of Azkaban have joined with Lord Voldemort are running high. Many believe that these ghoulish creatures are currently breeding among the general non-magical public, spreading fear, terror and feelings of despair.
Oh no… hang on… wait a minute… it’s just the Tories.