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SHONK WARS – Episode 1 or 4 – A New Joke

Not that long ago, in a constituency not so far away…


It is a period of civil unrest. Rebel Shonk fighters, striking

from a hidden outpost, have won their first victory against

the evil Conservative Empire.


During the battle, rebel hacks managed to satirise

Cameron’s plans to his Empire’s ultimate weapon – The

BREATH JAR, an armoured pickle jar  with enough Tory

hot air and twaddle to destroy the entire nation.


Pursued by Cameron’s sinister agents, Agent X races home aboard

his Shonkship, custodian of the minty fresh humour that can save

his people and restore freedom to the community.


Since the election of Darth Cameron to the galactic senate, there has been widespread civil unrest reported across the galaxy, even in such backwater places as Tatooine, Dagobah and Blackpool.

One stunted, green resident of the murky-swamplands and trash-filled cess pits said: “Still believe, I cannot. For Darth Cameron, the people voted! Unless much mistake am I, lie ahead, difficult times, they do.” (Mrs Gripper, Blackpool).


Such is the fear of Darth Cameron’s sinister plans and evil agents (especially his loyal Oxbridge Dormpoopers) that trust, happiness and general making eye-contact with your fellow loiterers in the spacebar is at an all-time low. Fear not! The rebel fighters here at the Shonk Alliance are fighting the good fight (with a little help from our Jedi friends).

Many people hope that rebel fighters from the Shonk Alliance can help bring justice, vision and, if nothing else, a smile back to a galaxy currently trapped in a force-chokehold that is in no way reminiscent of the one you like your girlfriend to perform on you in the bedroom when you’re feeling a bit naughty.

Messrs Fett were reported saying: “It’s all gone tits up mate.” “The bountyhunting business is dead as a dingo!” “These Dormpoopers all started showing up on zero-hour contracts and I’m out of work! Crikey! What’s my boy – well me – the boy me –  what’s he going to do when there’s no work?”

As well as being put out of work by a huge influx of clones to the star-system, many working-class residents of the newly formed galactic empire have reported brutality at the hands of Dormpoopers. “We were peacefully protesting against the new cuts to our local medi-bay, when all of a sudden these geezers showed up and started blasting us with lasers and shiz.” (Mr Lars, Tatooine.)

The evil Darth Cameron has much to answer for already and he is only a week into office. Many fear that the funding cuts being made to much-needed amenities such as Jedi-schools, medi-bays, and Bantha fodder farms are going to cripple many hard-working humans and humanoids, not to mention Padawans, and memebers of the disabled space-public.

Something has to be done to stop the evil machinations of Darth Cameron and his band of Tory Dormpoopers. So join us here at The Shonk Rebel Alliance and bring balance, harmony and hilarity to the galaxy… to be continued…


Stay tuned for more Shonk Wars guff and ting.

May the farce be with you.

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