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Newport Cycle Sabotage!

Wankers Ruin Bike Ride

Some unknown massive benders went out of their way to ruin what would have otherwise been a successful event. The Velothon Wales cycling event which took place today was sabotaged when around 30 cycles were taken out by tacks which had been strewn across the road in various locations in and around Caerleon.

The apparent motive for the attack is because the event might have angered some motorists. Some people with drivers licences have been bitching about traffic disruption and poor planning. That may be the case but who are you to ruin the event just because you can’t go shopping on Sunday? Get a fucking grip, if you condone this you are condoning terrorism, albeit on a very small scale. It’s a fucking sunday for fucks sake, where do you so desperately need to be? There was no particular event on today, it isn’t Christmas, it’s just a boring June Sunday in our ashen, bland, nondescript country and you couldn’t even let cyclists have a day out on their bikes to raise some cash for charity.

You are selfish cunts and if I should ever decide that I don’t want you on the road then be ready to receive a nail to your car tyre, maybe you’ll swerve off the road and crash into the tree and a passing cyclist will have the option to save you. They might say ‘nah, it’s the person who ruined the bike ride, they’ll be a drain on my taxes if I take them to hospital’. You deserve it you hateful twat fuckers.

Well done to the cyclists who completed the ride, it’s good to hear that there were no injuries as a result of the great pin incident. Money was raised for various charities by those taking part including £800 towards Leukaemia and Lymphoma research. Every cloud has a silver lining, its sad though now that so many people will have to cough up for new tyres and inner tubes and I will totally understand if they are put off doing something like this again. Try not to let the wanker spoil sports get to you, the tacks they used on the road were the only thing they had rattling around in their empty fucking heads anyway.

About DukeofEarl (74 Articles)
Co-founder and author for The Shonk. Site administrator and general human.

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