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Tories Trump Trump!

For one good reason

The idea of Donald Trump, a man who changes his mind more than a stereotypical shopper in a shoe sale becoming the next President of The United States of America is to be frank, terrifying.

He has ruffled the feathers of anyone with an IQ over 23 including ALL of Mexico. In fact, he’s angered the world which is quite an achievement. We’ve heard of his beautiful wall, his idea of targeting families of terrorists in order to get information. He is apparently self-funded despite accepting millions in donations, his public speaking incites riots and if anyone who isn’t an ignorant gun-toting modern day nazi is violently removed from said talks. Protestors are attacked and he has an ability to condescend anyone. He seems to sit in a bubble of immunity that allows him to say and do whatever he wants and people seem to like this. People say he’s honest, but this is a man who has apparently never heard of the KKK or its leader. This is a man who told people in no uncertain terms that John Oliver had invited him onto his show despite never having a guest ever.

Recently it has come to light that, after Trump shared a tweet showing upset for the death of Muhammad Ali was also caught tweeting about Obama racially profiling Muslims by commending Muslim athletes.

john oliver tweet ali tweet profiling tweet

However terrifying Trump’s policies are and despite his growing strength, when it comes to Trump Trumps it is the Tories who Trump Trump the most. For one simple reason, they’re already in power.

At present all Trump can do is talk about his hair-brained nut-job archaic schemes and beliefs until he is red of face, whereas The Tories can actually enact their insane ideas. Bedroom tax, the new Working Tax Credits criteria, the Snoopers Charter, the fact that for an MP the weekend is unsociable work hours but not if you’re a doctor. The fact that Osborne’s plans are based solely on the David Bowie track ‘Five Years’. Even the EU referendum has been executed in a way that has merely divided the country, on one side of the fence is anyone rational who realises that the world is where we all live and it’s better to work together. On the other side of the fence is everyone who believes that ‘the good old days’ were better and that anyone with darker than white skin should be sent home because hey, we’ll manage just fine!

The government has already worked tirelessly into ensuring that society has become completely ‘us and them’. In this country you now have the mega rich annnnnd everybody else. The middle classes haven’t quite worked it out yet, but if you fit into the umbrella category of ‘poor’ you will have noticed that Cameron and his mates have gone all out on creating a Marxist Dystopia. In London they are literally relocating the poor in order to house the rich, demolishing social housing that has accommodated communities for years and replacing it with Olygart fortresses.

I live in a block of flats, six to a block, two blocks, there are twelve flats in total and everyone of us is registered as payers of council tax, because you have to pay council tax. Unlike other bills that you can put on the back burner or sort out next time, Council tax is the one you can’t miss because the council will take you to court or have you evicted. Yet in One Hyde Park in London, the most expensive place to live with a one bedroom penthouse selling for £136 million pounds, only nine of its 62 residents are even registered to pay council tax. How is this possible? It’s because they are rich and I am not.

Our government, The Tory government are constantly reminding us of how badly managed and unsustainable our National Health Service is, but what they don’t mention is how they have intentionally steered it that way. Anyone with half a brain would know that if OUR government did not allow the likes of Google, Cafe Nero, Amazon, Cadburys, Starbucks, Apple and other corporate giants to skip out on tax then we would have enough money to sustain these services.

Equally we would have enough money to sustain the services without having to deport anyone, double win!

Look at the 2008 crash, brought on by bankers selling services they knew that people couldn’t afford and gambling with money that wasn’t theirs. In America over 20 million people have died as a direct result of the banking collapse. All based on the fact that bankers could club together triple A rated bundles to sell to investors without telling them that the packages (CDOs) were based on nothing. Some banks allowed NINJA mortgages where you could get a mortgage with No Job No Income. They would literally leave the income blank.

The entire global banking system was committing MASS FRAUD on the grounds that no one was watching them anymore, the housing market had never dropped before so why would it now? And what happened? Their actions caught up with them and the public paid for it. Only one banker in America went to prison, not ONE in Britain.

In Iceland 29 bank leaders were imprisoned, the banks were renationalised and NOT bailed out. Every single citizen of Iceland has benefited from dividends of these now government owned banks.

Our government took OUR money, YOUR money, bailed out THREE BANKS and we have not seen a penny since. Not only that, the bankers who were left free to roam and do what they have always been doing are doing it again. CDOs in America are being sold under a new name. Bankers are still in receipt of enormous bonuses which are based purely on what they do and not the consequences that follow. HSBC director secures a billion pounds, have a bonus. Oh, you made 50,000 people redundant in the process? No worries, you did your job. Good work.

The Tory government are the ones in charge now and they are the ones who should have fixed this. They campaigned for a Britain living within its means, but rather than implement that simplistic mantra they’ve tripled the national debt and fixed NOTHING. History is repeating itself and too few people are noticing.

Iain Duncan Smith, undeniable murderer of the poor and disabled has been allowed to skulk back into the shadows with blood on his hands. Where is he? Why is he not accountable for his actions?

If I was the Prime Minister and I heard that there were allegations that my MPs had committed fraud, be it election campaign fund fraud or election ballot fraud I would have them out of my government until proved otherwise, no if no buts no coconuts. Instead David Cameron is prepared to work with potential criminals because he’s a criminal too!

Roberto Saviano an expert in all things mafia has stated that Great Britain has the most corrupt government on Earth. Despite this people still want to break away from the only relationship that protects us from these criminals. Right now we stand as with 28 other countries, united. If we isolate ourselves from them then our country will be a corporate paridise in the blink of an eye. Rupert Murdoch will own everything bar The Shonk, we are already in a position where we can’t trust our media, not even the BBC the longest running media institution in the world.

If we step away we will be left alone with the barbaric manipulators in Westminster. The difference between Cameron and Trump is that one of them went to a university to learn the vernacular of manipulating and the other did not. Trump claims to ‘have all the best words’ but when it comes down to it Cameron and his Oxbridge pig-fucking clan of mega bastards are the ones who can play the system.

Putting our faith into the Tory Party now will be like putting your faith into the family member who has only ever caused problems. They’ve stolen family members cars, robbed from bank accounts, taken money and jewellery, free loaded on everyone’s sofa but hey, they’ll change, we’re all in this together remember? So you put your faith into them and the next thing you know they’ve burnt down your house and spent your insurance money.

Or, more accurately it’ll be like supporting Hitler. In fact, if any country learnt anything from WW2 it was Germany, we seem happy enough to go back to around 1951 in this country, whereas the country that we fought all those years ago seems to be the most pragmatic and open minded to the EU (which of course we co-founded) and other world problems.

Meanwhile though, our government is stealing from us, every single day. All they have done is made cuts yet our debt is more now than it ever was. Either it’s because the banking system is still operating illegally and they have trapped our country in a never ending cycle of debt OR our government is taking the money and running with it because where the hell is it?

For all you Brexiteers you might want to consider all of this, the EU may not be perfect but I will happily pay any membership fee to ensure that A: our government doesn’t get to run Britain alone and B: If I need to make a prompt exit to another country I can do so easily. Also remember this the next time you want to blame an immigrant for something. Immigrants didn’t operate a fraudulent banking system, immigrants didn’t leave tax loop-holes open, immigrants didn’t give Darren Topp a knighthood before allowing him to destroy a business that has been in this country for generations. You know that after he announced the closure of BHS he went and bought a new boat right? All of those employed people who could potentially lose their homes and he goes and buys a boat, a second boat.
Immigrants aren’t choking up our NHS, our government is. Immigrants aren’t freeloading off of us, our government is.

If you have ever had to deal with the DWP you have been terrorised by the government. Umming and arring about your future and whether you’ll have somewhere to live, or money to eat, that’s terrorism, our government are terrorists. And unlike ISIS and the other terror cells, The Tory cell is RIGHT there in front of us, laughing as it fucks us like pigs.

That is why, in this round of Trump Trumps, the Tories Trump Trump.



In relation to our Top Trump cards it was very difficult to give either one positive points. Trump gets two for compassion for his charity donations and former pro-democratic Obama Care campaign which he seems to have forgotten about.

About DukeofEarl (74 Articles)
Co-founder and author for The Shonk. Site administrator and general human.

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