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Everything Wrong with Apocalypse Kong

The only spoiler is the film itself

So I watched Apocalypse Now, Return of The Kong on the weekend. That wasn’t the title but it was definitely the film.

For $185,000,000 dollars this film offers nothing in terms of plot development, character development, a distinguishable story or anything remotely resembling nudity.

I mean, the film started and did something and ended but other than subject me to an almost endless action scene which moved at great and at sometimes painful pace very little happened.

The film has some huge names in it too, the vice dean from Community is in it, you don’t really know what he does, he may be a scientist or an explorer, he doesn’t develop on that or stick around long enough for us to decide if we like him or not.

The sweary assassin from Pulp Fiction is in it, his character is developed enough in that you know he’s an asshole and likely lost his mind because of the Vietnam war. It drives him to recreate the war in Vietnam by taking on a ninety foot giant gorilla on an evil island with a handful of dishevelled and 2-dimensional soldiers. His assholiness shows no bounds but luckily the creators of this ‘film’ have watched a lot of Game of Thrones and realised that it’s okay to scrap plot armour in favour of the unexpected death. Mr army leader like so many others in this film are wiped out, probably because they realised that the film had nowhere to go but not everyone could make it back to the boat.

The kid from Walk Hard is in it, he plays a pilot who has been trapped on the island for 28 years, his character is the deepest character next to Kong himself. Despite little elaboration about his time on the island or much about the Japanese pilot who crashed with him you do learn to love him because he’s one of the very few characters that doesn’t announce himself as an asshole and he’s one of the few with enough substance to remember.

The film leaves a lot to the imagination but only because it’s relying on you as an audience member to be familiar with the Kong story, it fills in no gaps, nothing, nada.

I hope that this film isn’t a reflection of future films, gun-toting blockbusters can be fun but you shouldn’t replace real, actual cinema with them because all in all they are shite. Maybe this film was designed to sway public opinion of Harambe, maybe they’re doing a full circle on that meme franchise?

I don’t know, maybe you enjoyed it, but seeing scenes recreated from a serious war film in a film about a giant gorilla and a bunch of destructive assholes pushed no buttons and provided no escapism.

 

 

About DukeofEarl (74 Articles)
Co-founder and author for The Shonk. Site administrator and general human.

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